Sunday, October 31, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

SPA: IN SEARCH OF REJUVENATION

I've been feeling kinda old for the last few days so my girlfriend convinced me to go to a Spa so we could rejuvenate ourselves. The place was really warm and welcoming with the exception of some of the visitors which seemed to be a bit selfish. This large lady in pink bikini, for instance, was using the whole swimming pool as if it was her own bath tub.  We tried pushing her aside and whisper in her ears but she wouldn't even move.

We decided to go to the medicinal water pool so we could forget about that selfish lady and focus on our goal which was rejuvenating ourselves. The say that medicinal water has different types of mineral salts that can help your body get rid of impurities and  revitalize your energies. We were starting to feel comfortable in the hot medicinal water until a couple started approaching the pool.             





 The man seemed to be very enthusiastic about the pool. " Come to the water, pumpkin. It's medicinal water."

The lady seemed to be kind of skeptical. She got a handful of medicinal water in her hands and started to analyze it.
She brought it close to her nose and sniffed it.
Ladie:  "Oh my Lord!!" she said.
Ladie:  " This is no medicinal water. This smells more like pee! I'll stick with my Chlorine!!
" Oh right, my pumpkin." the man jumped from the water and followed his lady.  A clear case of submissive husband and bossy wife.
After that situation we all ended up being skeptical about the water too. Was that really mineral salt water? Maybe the lady was right.
We ended up going to the mud pool. There we were hoping to find what we were looking for: Rejuvenation of our bodies!! However, the process of covering ourselves in dirt was too disgusting so we gave up on rejuvenating.
Instead of rejuvenating we decided to sit and enjoy the sun. However, the hit was intense and all the umbrelas were being taken.  Lindsey has a very resistant skin since she is Hawaiian so that sun was nothing for her. However, that sun was burning me like hell. I tried to cover myself with all the books I had but that wasn't enough.

My whole body was burning like crazy. I could barely move. I turned on the shower button and then started noticing an increasingly engine sound ramming above my head when suddenly....
I felt like meteors falling in my back. I believe it was a commando 450 model. If you have watched the  Seinfeld episode " The shower head" you would immediately understand what I went through. On the top of that don't forget that my body was already burning like hell.  By the end of our Spa adventure I was still old, but relieved that adventure was over.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

The day my bike was broken


 

I ride my bike to work everyday. Couple of days ago when I was about to leave to work I realized my bicycle chain was all messed up. My bike needed a tune up.


I had no choice but to walk to work. It would take me around 30 min to get there but hey, whatta hell...walking is good for the health and besides It was a beautiful day outside.


I took the scenic view to make my walk a pleasant one. How wonderful is to appreciate nature and all those pretty squirrels surrounding me. How wonderful it is to inhale the fresh air of  nature. How wonderful is to feel that gentle breeze around you.


Birds were singing along and feeding their adorable pack of little ones. How wonderful!!!


Everything was going super...


...until I started feeling a massive stomachache!!


All those wonderful feelings were instantly gone. That beautiful scenic view was transformed into a scenery of panic. I felt like the dude from Edvard Munch's painting.


I still had 20 min to go until I reached work. A man in the desert would give anything for a glass of water, I would give anything for a good toilet. I knew I could make it. I had to make it otherwise the consequences would be disastrous. I started having all this crazy thoughts: " What if I do that in my pants? People will think I'm a weirdo and a freak. I would be cursed for the rest of my life. Afterall, I'm not a baby anymore and adults never do these things. I HAD to be strong!!!
I was feeling nauseous and weak so i started to lean my body against a residence's fence.


To make my situation even worse a huge and vicious dog jumped towards the fence and barked right into my face.


I wanted to scream. That freaked me out really hard but I had to hold my feelings otherwise it would be a disaster. I still had 5 min to go.


Despite of my poor condition I managed to get to the studio somehow. I pretended everything was fine with me so people wouldn't notice I was actually having a massive stomachache. The security guard asked for my card. I showed him and attempted a smile. He skeptically smiled back and let me go ahead.


2 min to my destination....


...When a guy from the Union started approaching me.


He stopped me and started explaining me all the advantages  you get once you are part of the Union. I didn't want to loose my integrity so I hold it tight pretending everything was okay.


Those were probably the worst 10 minutes of my life. After giving me a hole insight in the wonderful benefits I could get after joining the Union he finally let me go. I kept my posture until the end and I  felt proud of myself. That was the end of my journey towards the toilet. Most of you guys are probably thinking, what a disgusting story. However, I'm sure everyone will at some point face times like that. When that time comes you will praise the Toilet just like I did.

Monday, October 04, 2010

The Raging Bull

 Last weekend I was hanging out at San Fernando St. with my Girlfriend Lindsey and we saw this giant dude approaching us. He looked like one of those badass assassins from the cohen brothers films and that made me a little apprehensive.
His arms were both tattooed with menacing creatures from Hell. He had a huge chain around his neck and his skull was massive as a boulder. I would never, ever create any trouble with a guy like that.

Suddenly, he stopped walking.  He put both of his hands at his massive head and yelled out loud the word SHIT! I thought  it was going to be the end of my life. Like I said before I would never, ever make that guy mad or upset so I asked Lindsey if she had stepped on his feet or something but she said no.
The first thing that came to my head was running for our lives. I told Lindsey to run after the count of 3.
 
Then we started hearing a cry. The giant dude was sobbing like a little boy.

Then I realized that the giant dude was actually a really sweet and sensitive man. He  yelled the word SHIT! in such distress because he spotted a hobo almost getting run over by a spoiled hipster kid driving a corvette. It really touched me how a guy with his looks and toughness could have such a sensitive side.