Miami times

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling a bit tired of the city of entertainment so I decided to take a little vacation.
 I felt as if I deserved to have some fun so so friends recommended to go to Miami if i wanted to play hard. So  I took a flight straight to beautiful Miami, specifically talking, South beach!  Besides, my roomate Evie was going to be playing in a volleyball tournament there so I wanted to be there to give some moral support.

So I took a cab once I landed in South Beach. While the cab driver took me to my hotel I appreciated the scenic view of Miami.

One thing I noticed right away was that the Miami population is basically comprised of elderly people and hot Latino ladies.
The temperature was really hot. The driving was so lethargic from the hot weather that he  ended up taking a nap.
During the whole trip he kept falling asleep and I had to keep warning him that sleeping in the steering wheel is not really safe. He agreed with me but kept sleeping. I guess it was almost involuntary. After a very scary drive,  we finally arrived to our destination... somehow safe.
As soon as I left the cab I could feel the Miami humidity. I felt as if I was melting and I would probably be in liquid form if I didn't run to my hotel as fast as I could. The name of the Hotel was Red. At the time I booked the hotel I though it was a cool name and evoked some kind of charm into it.

As soon I got inside of the Hotel I noticed that it was literally RED. The entire place was red and smelled like strawberries.
That was a little weird but what a hey!! I was there to experience new things and the night was just beginning. So I run back to my room, put some nice cologne, dressed up to impress, and was ready to roll!!
A few minutes ago, there I was hitting up the nightclubs in South Beach.  The first club I chose was called CAMEO. The line was huge and I was looking forward to get in and have a swell time.
Suddenly, these two Italian guys showed up behind me.
They thought they were so cool that they could just cut in front of me.
 I kept poking their backs so they would realize the situation.
They didn't give a shit so I did the unthinkable...
I pushed them away and got in front of those assholes.
They weren't really pleased and started to curse me in Italian. I was just so mad that I told them to shut up on go to the back of the line.
Of course they were way bigger than me. Who isn't anyway. So the Italian dudes decided they wanted to kick my ass. I had to think fast otherwise I would probably be a dead man.
Being japanese brazilian sometimes comes in handy. Some people for some reason think I probably know martial arts and that I could be a dangerous figher. So I usually go with the lie and pretend I'm actually  badass to impress people. And the cool thing is that they actually believe in me!!!
So I told the italian dudes I was an UFC champion!! They literally shit spaghetti in their pants.
As a result I got free drinks and thousands of apologies.  I told them it's okay. I wouldn't hurt them at this time because I had to save my energies for the big fight tomorrow.
They waved good bye to me and kindly invited me for a visit Italy. What a nice dudes!!
With my self-esteem boosted up I went on the hunt for ladies. There were beautiful cuban, and porto rican ladies all over.  I came closer to one of them and offered her a martini.
She took the drink from my hands while whispering and giggling in Spanish to her friend.
and then she rejected me.
After a few unsuccessful attempts I realized that specific club wasn't really suitable for me. So there I was in the hot humid streets of South Beach on the look out for another club.
I had no clue where I was going. Miami can be very confusing. Then  a hobo with cans all over his body offered to guide me to the best night club in town.
Melting in my own sweat, I asked him how long it would take to get there and he kept telling me we were almost there. 
We walked for almost 40 minutes. It was drenched and my legs were aching.
So we finally arrived at the best "club" he was talking about.
Hobo:  "Now that's what I call a  CLUB, boy! All  ladies from Miami inside there. Just pick and choose yar mama!! "
I told the Hobo I was actually looking for a CLUB. Not a STRIP CLUB. The Hobo got really offended and started to yell at me saying that I wasn't respecting his services. So I had to give the hobo some tip otherwise he would probably stab me on the face.
After a long night of no fun I walked back to my red room and crawled into my strawberry-smelly-bed. Yeah, my first day in South Beach wasn't really what I expected but  my second one would be promissing I was sure. :-)
 So there I was. On my second day in South Beach. Beautiful sunny day and blue sky!
My roomate Evie and his volleyball partner, Scott were about to play at a big beach volleyball tournament. I was there to give moral support and cheer up for their victories.
 The game begun and everyone was smiling and being really friendly towards each other. What an easygoing and relaxing sport!!
The easygoing vibe made me feel so happy. I finally realized what South Beach was about. Just chill out and enjoy your day with your friends in peace in mind. Being happy on the beach was all that mattered.
Suddenly, the game started to get a bit more competitive.
The happy vibe started to fade away. I felt tension in the air.

Violently and sadisticaly, the adversaries hit the ball over my roomate's court.
 My roomate jumps over the ball like an animal yelling in Anger.
What was supposed to be a fun and friendly game became almost a duel of gladiators. People were bleeding and moaning in pain.
They yell at eachother's face as if they were about to kill eachother like big apes.
I was terrified and confused.
Despite the horror I wasn't giving up on my friends. I kept on motivating them so they could win but they seemed a bit to wearied already.

Scott was the one feeling worse. Because of Miami crazy hot weather his blood pressure dropped and he passed out in the sand.

There was no paramedics there so we had to give Scott some salty ships so his blood pressure would go back to normal.
The adversaries kept on hitting the ball with anger and cruelty not giving chances to my friends to react.

Finally the referee called the end of the game.
My friends lost the tournament. :-(
It was a very depressing sight. It was as if they were literally coming from a War and had lost their arms and legs.
That was the lowest point of my trip. I guess my second day in South Beach was sucking even more than my first one. Drenching under the sun made me feel even worse.
But then I realized I still had a chance to be happy in this trip!!
So bouncing over latino butts, I happily run!!!
I run over to the beautiful and blue ocean of Miami Beach.
As I jumped into that wonderful blue water expecting to refresh my sweaty burning body...
...I realized that the water was actually warm.
Se we took our flight back home after 2 exhausting and frustrating days in Miami.
The signs to fasten our seat belts were turned on. It was time to land.
Well, That was the end of my vacation.
No fun, no ladies, no victories in volleyball.....
but then I glanced over the window...
and after seeing that hollywood sign
...I realized how much I actually missed California.


tek! said…
awww lovely ending there.
and again a superb funny story! love the praising italians and especially the chips administering!
Hahahahahaha! Só tu mesmo pra ter uma história assim!
Austin said…
Oh my goodness. This story made my day.
I relate so much. PERFECTION.
Sze Kei said…
Another brilliantly funny story!!! Love it!
stephen said…
the dudes yelling at each other through the net was definitely my favorite drawing.
Davies Usher said…
Kool Story! the drawings made me LOL!
you know what they say, theres no place like home! :P
You are such a good story teller. I enjoy reading them! And the ending is sooo cute!!
Tyler Stott said…
soooo hillariouse!! haha thanks for sharing.
Alejandra said…
I gotta say, as a former Miami-girl and now living in LA, the only thing you missed out on was the food. AND the pastelitos. Though, you got the clubbing-scene spot on.

Love you're stuff. :)
^^ really really good job mr.
Romain said…
Haha !
Funny !
(The rest of the blog is pretty awesome too !!)
kathryn durst said…
haha, this is hilarious. bounding over the bums was my favourite part
Paul Abadilla said…
Leo! Man, that was HILARIOUS! I miss your humor. I was actually digging around some old stuff and found a few caricatures you did of me way back and it made me laugh. I hope you're doing well, my friend! :)

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