Sunday, December 18, 2011

WHY OLD LADIES HAVE SHORT AND CURLY HAIR?

Life is very mysterious. There are lots of things that are unexplained and since my childhood I could never figure out. For instance, I always wondered why old ladies have short and curly hair. My grandmother has short and curly hair and all her elderly friends also have. Look around and you will notice what I'm talking about. If they have long hair they are probably hipsters, activists or vegan old ladies so they are exceptions to the rule and not considered plain old ladies.




Yesterday night I kept thinking the whole night why old ladies have short and curly hair and I had a moment of "eureka". As old ladies get older the gravity effect pulls their entire body weight down with exception of their hair which grows in opposite direction of the gravity force. This effect is still unexplained but hopefully one day science will figure this out.

Below there's a diagram for what I discovered:

Legend:
A = AGE
H = HAIR CURLINESS
G = GRAVITY






















I know I'm far from being a genius and that this idea sucks but if you think about this it kind of make sense. Just take a look at your grandma.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

WARPED GLASSES

The other day I got distracted and forgot my reading glasses in my pocket while I did the laundry. The next day would be a busy Monday and I had an entire sequence to board till Wednesday afternoon.



As I stared over my cintiq that's what my eyes saw.


The deadline was coming. I had no choice but to go straight to the Ophthalmologist to get my warped glasses fixed. The appointment had to be scheduled on Wednesday morning. The pitch would happen at the same day a few hours later.  My goal was to make it back to work in time for the pitch with my reading glasses fixed.


As soon as I arrived at the ophthalmologist the doctor's secretary smiled and politely asked me if I had ever been through a dilation. As you probably know english is not my first language so I pretended I understood the question. Having a tip on my shoulders I answered that question with an air of arrogance. "Dilation? Of course.."

The Doctor then called me into her office. She examined my glasses and told me I would need a new prescription. What means new glasses and lenses.
I was really pissed with that answer. Glasses nowadays are very expensive and I didn't like the idea of having to buy new ones. As I complained to the doctor I felt this luminosity coming towards my direction.
The doctor pulled in front of me this massive machine with metallic arms and it completely streched my eyes from cheeks to forehead.
While it forcefully keep my eyes opened it also shed an extremely bright spot of light directly into my eyes. As if it wasn't terrible enough she also asked me to read tinny letters on the wall. I felt as if I were in a concentration camp being tortured by Hitler himself.
Then the Doctor demanded me to not close my eyes in any circumstance. At that moment I felt as if I were living a "Clockworth Orange" moment". She started dropping this blue liquid into my eyes...
As my pupil turned into the size of bowling balls I noticed that my vision was all blurry. I asked the doctor if she was turning me into a blind man. She giggled and told me to just relax. Her only warning was to avoid light for a few hours.  I was wondering why.
Pretending I knew all about dilation I said good bye to the doctor and her secretary. As I opened the door I had a surprise.
The bright sun shined right into my face.
I felt my optic nerves in terrible pain.
Immediately I shut my eyes.
People at the street thought I was some kind of hobo or some sort of asian zombie.
 I  kept bumping into people while tears rolled through my sealed eyes. I would keep asking for directions but people were too freaked out and annoyed by me.
With a terrible blurry vision I squinted through the street.  With much sacrifice I could finally identify a traffic light.
 It was time to cross the street so I went for the pedestrian button.
In a hurry, I pressed it several times.
Due to the blurriness I ended up not realizing I was poking a ladies' mole.
Calling me an idiot, she immediately started hitting me with her cane.
Without discerning what the hell was going on I run away for my life. From distance, I could hear her cursing me in what sounded like russian. This bumpy journey went on for almost 2 hours.
You guys are probably asking about my pitch. Did I made it in time? Yup. Somehow I made it to work in time. However, I had to pitch in the dark. It was a painful and "bright" journey but at least I finally learned the definition of "dilation".

Friday, December 02, 2011

What if...

Gallery Nucleus invited me to be part of the show "What if..." Unfortunately I didn't have time to submit my final piece but here is the digital version of my idea.

"What if... Aliens were living among us".


                                                media: digital
                                                size: 11'X 17'